Stress 101

Welcome and welcome back. How many times a day do you hear the word "stress"? How many times do you find yourself saying that you're "stressed out" or "stressing"? We live in a stressful world! But what does that really mean? And do we have any control over it? The answers to these questions and more next on....The Yogi Therapist. (I hope you read that in a TV show announcer's voice).

The Concept

   Okay. Let's just start by defining stress. Definitions matter, especially for everyday terms like stress, because it's a pretty vague term and I want to make sure we're all the on the same page. So, for our purposes, stress is the physical/mental/emotional experience of challenge. A stressor is something that causes that experience in us. For example, imagine you're a caveman hunter. You see a lion. You run super fast to escape said lion. In this example, lion = stressor, and running = behavior or action. The "stress reaction" is also called the fight/flight/freeze response. Surprisingly, or perhaps not, this is also the same as the anxiety response. Stress = anxiety = your body's response to something that it thinks is dangerous. With me so far?

    Let's consider the same example again. You're a caveman hunter and you see a lion. This time, instead of running, you use your spear and kill the lion. In this situation, the stressor is still the lion, but the action is different - killing the lion instead of running away. What makes the difference? Several things in fact. First is the physical environment - is there cover nearby? Are there people who need protecting? Are you alone? Nowhere to hide? Those things will all factor into your decision making. Second, is your internal environment - Have you fought a lion successfully before? Have you or someone you know been injured or killed by a lion? Are you a young boy on the verge of manhood looking to prove yourself? Are you starving and desperately need protein? All of these things affect your motivation to either avoid or confront the danger.

    The third reaction type is to freeze. This means you have neither confronted nor avoided the danger, and have theoretically left yourself to be injured. Typically this happens when we enter a state called overwhelm. Overwhelm means the stress is so high that we can't make any decisions about what to do. It might even feel like our brain stops working or that our body doesn't want to listen to what we're telling it to do. We are physically not able to make sense of what is going on or how to respond to it. In this situation, you would probably get eaten by the lion. 

    "Stress is an internal reaction to an external event". As mentioned above, stress is your body's reaction to the assessment or decision that something is dangerous or challenging. The external event is the stressor and can be things like: a fight with a friend/partner/family member, a car accident or near-car accident, a hyper-critical boss, a difficult class or assignment in school, trying to be involved in a lot of different activities (school, social, church, sports, volunteering, work, therapy, and so on), moving, getting married, having a baby, being responsible for all the cooking and cleaning in your house, having a health issue or being close to a person with a health issue, and the list could probably almost literally go on forever. You may notice that some of the items are "good" or desirable and some are "bad" or undesirable. That's because stress itself is neither good nor bad, it is simply our reaction to something that is challenging whether it be an abusive relationship or planning a wedding.

    The body's stress reaction is adaptive which means it's something that helps you survive. It exists to help you overcome challenges. If you were never challenged, you would be bored and never experience growth. Yet too much challenge is exhausting, overwhelming, and puts strain on your body systems. Being challenged is a good thing, but life is about balance. In this case, balancing ease with effort as many of my yoga instructors say. We live in a world where we experience chronic high-level stress which means over an extended period of time our bodies are in fight/flight/freeze mode. You should not feel unsafe a majority of the time.

Why it matters

    More and more research is coming out to show how chronic high-level stress contributes to soooo many health problems - high blood pressure, stroke, heart attacks, COPD, various forms of cancer, insomnia, and so forth. Not only that, but let's face it, it's a drag. It turns us into a porcupine person, just all prickly and agitated. It's really not a fun way to go through life. Imagine your experience of stress like a pressure cooker. If you take on too much you're just going to explode and hurt yourself and everyone around you. But stress happens! Challenge happens. 

    There are two ways of dealing with stress. You change the situation or you change your thoughts about the situation. First, changing your situation. If you've got somebody that you've been friends with for 15 years, but you've both grown and changed and now every time you talk to them it's negativity and chaos, then you've got the choice to either allow that stressor to remain or to get rid of it (terminate the friendship). That's called setting boundaries which I'll go into more in another post. You have a finite amount of energy, so you have to choose wisely where you're going to spend it. Second, changing your thoughts about the situation. Let's say your mother in law is a real piece of work (not my first choice of words, but the one I'm sticking with). She's critical, harsh, selfish, and/or demanding. But she's your mother in law and your partner isn't willing to terminate the relationship. Instead of "I can't believe how obnoxious she is, she's ruining our wedding!", perhaps you think, "She's not my mother, she's my partner's mother. She's a challenge for me, but I accept my reality and I'm not letting her rent space in my head." Boom. Look at you taking control of difficult situations. 

Realize where your power is. You have the power and the right to eliminate unnecessary stress from your life. But some stress you can't get rid of. Like a family member or pet dying, planning a wedding, adjusting to a new job or school, or spending time with that challenging mother-in-law. So, that's where stress management comes in. If stress increases pressure, stress management decreases pressure. In order to stay balanced and maintain inner peace your stress management needs to match the level of stress in your life. Stress management are activities which decrease your perceived level of stress and return your body to the "rest and digest" functioning. We'll talk stress management more specifically later, I don't want to overwhelm you with too much right now. If you're already familiar, of course, go ahead and incorporate it with your answers to the questions. 

Action Item

    You ready for this? First, find a safe, cozy place and get comfy. Grab yourself some tea, a nice blanket, or maybe a glass of lemonade (this week has been unnecessarily hot!). There are two ways of doing this, and it's totally your preference. Maybe try both and see which one you like. Either way you're going to start by identifying your top stressors. Try to think of a couple that are constant and a couple that are periodic or occasional. 

    Next, you can either think of a way to either accept or change the situation (sometimes a combination of both is the way to go!), or you can label your instinctive reaction (fight/flight/freeze) and come up with a couple of ways that you'd rather react if you thought it through rationally for a moment. The purpose of this activity is two-fold. First, it's a good practice to identify what is stressing you out the most! What are your biggest stressors? Secondly, when you're in a calm, collected, restful state - how would like to handle the things that are challenging you? It's good to plan these things when you have a calm brain, because when we're actively challenged, it gets a bit jumbled!

Questions to consider

• What unnecessary stress can I eliminate from my life?
• How can incorporate stress management into my daily routine?
• What are the most reliable sources of social support?
• What are the most draining stressors? What can I do about them?

As always, best wishes on your journey to self-improvement. Please feel free to leave questions/experiences/comments in the comments section below.

Namaste.