Get Your Mind Right

 

Welcome and welcome back! Life can feel kind of swirly sometimes. With everything going on in the world, on the news, and in our own lives, I think it's about time to have a conversation about what to do when everything just feels hard. So tuck in, get comfortable, and let's figure this out.

The Concept

To be totally honest with you, the phrase 'get your mind right' kind of irritates me. I hate when I'm upset and feeling emotional and someone says, 'you need to get your mind right'. I mean...They're right, but that's kind of like telling an upset person to 'calm down'. It's accurate, but obviously I'm not the most receptive at that moment. Yes, I know, I need to take more responsibility to make myself available and receptive to helpful bits of wisdom. Sometimes it's hard. So let's talk about when it's hard.

Distorted is a word that means that the way you're seeing something isn't true to how it actually is. There's this thing in most therapy about finding distorted (incorrect) patterns of thinking and feeling to help a person correct problematic patterns. Imagine distorted thoughts/feeling like a funhouse mirror at the fair. You know the ones I'm talking about? One of them makes you look super tall and skinny with giant bug eyes. The other makes you look short and fat. Neither is actually how you look, but if you believed that you were looking in a normal mirror then you would believe that's actually how you look. Then you might buy clothes for that distorted self, or having negative thoughts based on that wrong image. Believing things that aren't true can cause all kinds of problems! 

You may remember from the CBT post that our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors are all linked. Thoughts and behaviors are where our power lies for direct access whereas feelings are indirectly altered as a result of changes in our thoughts and behaviors. Things get all swirly because all three influence each other, and most of the time it's outside our conscious awareness. For example, someone does something that disappoints us. We feel disappointed (an uncomfortable mix of sad and angry), so we have the thought, 'they just don't care about me'. Cue spiral of withdrawing, feeling hurt, perhaps crying, perhaps conflict with that person, and so on and so forth down the rabbit hole of distortions. On important thing to notice here is that usually our behaviors (unless we exercise intentionality) will usually act to intensify rather than resolve the uncomfortable emotion. 

So typically what someone means if they say 'get your mind right' is that your caught in this sea of swirling thoughts, feelings, and behaviors that aren't even true to reality. It's easy to get caught up in a picture that isn't accurate. We have years of conditioning, habits, and wrong beliefs that can hook us at the slightest provocation. 

Why It Matters

Because you matter! Everything isn't hard. In fact, just the thought 'everything is hard' is an example of a really common cognitive (fancy word for 'thought') distortion. You're probably reading this blog because you know that you have parts of your life that need healed. Not seeing things clearly leads to a lot of problems not only for you but also for your relationships. We use our thoughts and feelings as guides for our behaviors, so if our thoughts/feelings aren't based on reality then it's pretty silly to expect ourselves to make the best action choices. So how do you get your mind right? I'm so glad you asked.

There's a lot of different ways to help your brain see things (more closely to) how they truly are. One way is the exercise I described in the CBT post which literally walks you through identifying your thoughts and putting them on trial, so to speak, to challenge them and replace them with a more accurate and balanced thought. Another way to get your mind right is to meditate. Thich Nhat Hanh described meditation at one point as the practice of looking deeply into the true nature of things. When you let the emotions settle then you become available to see any problems in your thinking. Another popular practice for mental clarity is exercise. I specifically recommend walking, running, yoga, or weight lifting (I know, right?). Some people will probably recommend talking the situation out with someone. Honestly, I'm not so sure about that. Sometimes it's helpful and it really depends on the person you go to and the situation. I firmly believe that if you can self-soothe and create your own clarity that it will serve you better than going to another person (therapists not included - a good therapist is great for helping with mental clarity)

Action Item

Find yourself in a quiet, cozy place. Take extra time to help your body become as relaxed and comfortable as possible. Scan your body for places of tension and send loving thoughts of calm and ease to those places. Let your attention rest wherever it needs to for as long as it needs to. Breathe in and out slowly through your nose. When there's no longer any places crying out for attention then begin the practice of moving your attention systematically through your body. Every toe individually. The top and bottom of your foot. Your ankles. Noticing your legs, back, belly, and shoulders. Checking in with your neck, face, and head. Spending time with each part of your body in turn. This is a body scan, and one way to help your mind become clear and focused.

Questions to Consider

• What are my red flags that tell me when I'm hooked by a thought or feeling?
• What behaviors clue me in to an old pattern that no longer serves me?
• What are *my* most helpful tools to get my mind right?
• What things do I want to add to a daily/weekly routine to keep myself sharp?
• What are my best 'as needed' tools for when I get hooked?