Living Life Moment by Moment

 

    Welcome and welcome back! I've been contemplating writing a post similar to this one on and off for awhile now. Maybe it's because I just got married this weekend, but the time seems right. I once read a quote that went, "everyone wants to change the world but no one wants to change the toilet paper". Honestly, I feel the same way about living life. Everyone wants to be alive for vacations, weddings, buying houses, having babies, and holidays, but we get bogged down by daily life. Life isn't the next vacation or your wedding day. Well, it is. But it's so much more! Let's take a look at what it means to truly live life moment by moment.

The Concept

    Imagine being asleep for 23.5 hours each day. You're awake for 30 minutes to connect with others, take care of yourself, spend time on your hobbies, notice the world around you, and experience life. Well guess what - when you forget that you have a body, that you're breathing, and that you exist in connection with the world and with those around you, then you might as well be asleep. Most of us spend most of our lives on autopilot. Going from thing to thing without intention, insight, or awareness. Seriously, how is that different from being asleep? I mean, I guess you're getting stuff 'accomplished' but can you truly say that you're living? 

    Let's think about the way that this affects your relationships - spouse, kids, family, friends, even pets. As humans, we all want to feel connected. That means we have to pay attention so that we can respond to bids for attention and consideration. We want to feel seen, understood, and appreciated. When we're walking through our lives blindly on autopilot then we miss the cues from the people in our lives that they want to connect with us. We just aren't available for connection. Sometimes I wonder how much I've missed because I'm just not paying attention. How many rainbows? Trees in bloom? Smiles? Chances to make someone else smile? The missed moments just add up. 

    The thing about time is that it keeps marching on with or without us, and once it's gone we can't get it back. It's not even as neutral as it seems. Relationships are like plants. If you don't tend to them regularly, they die. It's not like things get frozen in time, just waiting patiently for you to pay attention to them again. Life is made up days. Days are made of hours, and hours are made of minutes. Therefore, life is made of a string of minutes, one after the other. Minutes lost is life lost. Is TikTok the how you want to spend the precious minutes of life? What about arguing? Drinking? Being unkind? We do all those things - usually because it's just our habit to do them. There are those who say that anxiety is discomfort living in the present moment. Living life to the fullest isn't just about being present. It's about present present, relaxed, and kind. 

    As far as romantic relationships go (which, you know, just got married, that's kind of on my mind), there's a lot of research and literature on the importance of daily interactions. The things that most people consider 'insignificant' are actually the biggest differences between happy and unhappy couples. John and Judy Gottman have done a lot of the most relevant research on the subject if you're interested in reading more. Think about daily meals, leaving or getting home from work, getting ready and going to bed - these things don't matter, right? Not quite... These are the parts of our life that matter most because, unlike a vacation or a wedding, they happen every day. It's the difference between feeling connected as intimate partners and living with a roommate. It's these little moments that add up to a lifetime. Moment by moment - pearl by pearl - you create a beautiful life. 

Why It Matters

       Think of all the stories you've heard about elderly people who look back on their life and warn how fast it goes? There's so many songs to that effect (i.e. Don't Blink by Kenny Chesney, Live Like You Were Dying by Tim McGraw, just to name a couple). We all live and we all die. Those are given. The difference is how we handle the middle part. Are you happy with the way you're living your life? Are you living your life or are you wasting the days waiting for something to change? Endless scrolling on social media or being 'bored' is a great indicator that you're not living. You're just existing. And you're better than that! You have so many unique talents, interests, and experiences. You are made for so much more than disconnecting from your life. 

    So why live life moment by moment? Because that's what makes life worth living at all. You deserve it and so do your relationships. One of my yoga mentors once said, "all of the most beautiful things happen in the present moment - art, dance, poetry, love". If you miss the present moment, then you miss your life. And if you're life isn't worth being present for then you deserve to make the changes so that it is! Take this as your personal invitation and permission to be bold, make change, and live your life.

Action Item

    Look around you right now. See everything as if it were the first time. Notice the sights, sounds, smells, and feelings. Drink it all in. Maybe even close your eyes. Slow down and let yourself really experience this moment. Challenge yourself. How can you connect more lovingly to your life right now? (pro tip: spend at least 3-5 minutes on this. Your brain will want to rush you into doing the next thing. Don't give in).

Questions to Consider

• What little moments matter the most to me?
• How can I connect more intentionally to my life?
• What thoughts/feelings make it difficult for me to live in my life?
• Who can I recruit to help me remember to pay attention to my life?
• What virtues do I want to cultivate in my attention? (Consider: kindness, love, joy, gratitude)